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Comments from

Participants' Comments from Easter 1999 at Daisy Lake, British Columbia

"[I learned] that I am a beautiful man with many talents and gifts, full of love, worthy of receiving and giving love! [I intend to] find like-spirit minded men, honour my masculinity, practice what I learned, make the 'circle bigger'."

"[I learned] to focus on what IS happening and not on what is NOT happening; and that others are more likely to accept me as I am than I sometimes think. I intend to pay more attention to the 'angels' that appear in my life . . . to reach out to others with hopefulness and with a giving heart, to listen to the music (and not just the words) that others are showing me."

"[I intend] integrating touch into my life to compliment meditation practice."

"[The] openness, the blend of background, woven together made a fabric multi-colored and textured, stimulating but not abrasive. Cozy-warm men are like gemstones: cut and polished reflecting light and beauty in different ways. [I intend to] be myself openly, not caring what people may think. I am an instrument [which], when tuned and cared for, plays beautiful music. I'm ME!"

"You changed my life! I like 'me' now, and dearly love the men you brought together. You are the epitome of man: strength, love, tenderness, but mostly understanding. I will never forget my weekend in B.C. and your teaching. I wish the distance were not so great between us. You stand the tallest of man; my life has been blessed because we met. I will never forget you."

"Subject: One month later...
Dear Circle of Brothers,
First, Sequoia, thank you for your letter about our Easter at Daisy Lake. It was truly a time where hearts came together. The list you have put together about how to touch seems wonderfully complete to me.

In the month since then I've spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting on the time we shared. I've continued to Journal, and meditate. I've received some words of wisdom from friends to remind me of who I am in wholeness, and happiness, and Spirit. I am grateful, and thankful.

I saw [2 of the participants' names] receive healing and insight about their father issues. And it seemed like they traveled a long way on their journey towards healing, forgiveness, and love. And I saw [name] move through layers of grief, and feel safe to listen to whispered messages of love from another realm, and open to comforting arms. I don't remember a workshop where a group bonded so quickly, and trusted so fully, and shared so willingly, and received so much. Being in a group and sharing meals, and stories, and songs, and laughter - as well as tears, and comfort, and touch, and hugs -- was wonderfully nourishing for body, mind, and soul. As was the snow covered landscape. I've always dreamed of giving a massage in a sacred place where I could look out the windows and be one with nature. That fantasy has now come true!

The last month at home has been difficult; a very emotional, and painful time for me: a time for surrender and faith. And during meditations layers have peeled away to reveal gifts I had received and am just now becoming aware of. One afternoon while meditating I was thinking of [name]'s tears about his father's inaccessibility, and [name]'s as well -- and I wondered why hadn't I cried about my father? And I was swept into an awareness of such sadness when I realized that my father was there and available, but unappreciated, almost pushed aside, and scorned. And I felt the hurt, pain, and sadness in that moment, and suddenly tears rolled down my cheeks - surprising me. And the insight that came with it was equally powerful, when I realized that I have been recreating that within myself --- not owning my power as a man, and at times presenting myself as undeserving, and weak and helpless and needy.

And that too brought a great sadness. But it also cracked open a door to knowing myself and loving myself and appreciating my gifts and acknowledging my power, in a whole new way.

I honor the willingness, strength, wisdom, love, and trust that was brought to our circle over Easter weekend. Our circle has expanded, but it hasn't disbanded. Ho!"

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Bowen Island, Easter 98

I've not felt this centered, anchored, gentle and loving in years and I mean years. My sleep for the 2 nights following the retreat was the deepest and child like in a long time. Things don't appear to upset or push my buttons as easily as before the retreat . . . I connected with some beautiful men some of whom may become friends for many years to come . . . exchanging emails and speaking with some of them on a regular basis since the retreat. The value definitely was there for me and I plan on returning. . . Imagine going or staying somewhere else where lodging, meals and loving leadership is provided for around $100 a day?! . . . I feel more peaceful and less agitated inwardly, filled with the Light and reassured that there are other men out there who are on similar paths such as myself.

Jemez Springs, New Mexico, Autumn 1998
[I most enjoyed] the playful, interactive dance with the group, e.g., the Sufi dance; this really touched me, heart to heart. . . [The most informative/growthful aspect was] the group sharing: sometimes what others said was what I couldn’t put into words. [I learned] a greater appreciation, respect and love for my own self. I have come to realize that this is the greatest factor preventing me from reaching out to other people, men and women. I am clearer in my mind and focus. I feel positive. I am at last realizing the power of meditation and the importance of tapping into the vast, limitless spiritual energy that is all around me/us and within me/us.

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More Comments! "Men loving men--an old concept --- you gave it totally new meaning. It feels so good . . . The care and sensitivity that you both conveyed was the biggest lesson. By 'hands on' exercises we experienced being cared for and caring about other men. " Bill'87 "Incredible weekend! . . . showing my capacity to love." CR '95 "I haven't felt so connected, loved, and listened to for quite some time." MT '95 "Hot tubs and moonlight . . . magical, unstructured, mystic . . . I am paying more attention to silence and my breathing." TM '95 "This validated me --- caressed my spirit . . . Feel more connected to a supportive tribe." TT '95 "Very safe. I feel the men are almost brothers. Amazing sense of connectedness for such a short time." PV '90 "I'm more open --- interact differently with strangers and friends . . . more willing to take risks." BB '95 "I had the opportunity to really pay attention to my feelings and act on what I was feeling in the moment. I was able to be more present with myself and what was happening around me . . . I also gained some perspective on where I am and what I'm doing with my life." NM '91 "I felt safe touching and getting touched. As a caregiver, sometimes I don't let myself get attention. I felt I had total permission to do whatever I wanted." JA '90 "It is not a 'heavy' program; one doesn't have to spill one's guts out or do profound psychological soul-searching to participate. It is fun, relaxing, positive, nurturing, and is a well-balanced combination of exercises, meditation, and relaxation." JL '91 "I became very centered during the weekend . . . I became empowered, and upon returning was able to effectively resolve some relationship problems with my partner." RB '95 "I saw more clearly the beautiful and wonderful things that make us men and give us our power . . . I know more about who I am and I am proud of my life!" JP '90 "I feel so much joy in my life . . . Many tender remembrances and the tears so easily flow. I feel so much freer than I ever have . . . This was one of the most meaningful experiences in my life." PW '95 "Brotherhood is powerful, positive force in my life --- it was joyful (and poignant too) sharing my love." HG '92 "Men from such different lives have such common needs and desires . . . I [now] have a clear sense of how important quiet times and reflective time (meditation time?) are for a soul." JF '93 "The beauty of it all sometimes overwhelms me. We are all so the same when our barriers are down. We all fear, we are all nervous, half-ready to run, all full of desire, looking for depth. It is as if we just play out our different dramas until there is nothing left to play out --- and then we finally just are. So there is something special --- and maybe even unique --- about a group of men who come together to release those barriers and find our commonality." JA '93 "Thanks for one of the best experiences of my life." NP '92 "I re-learned that I am a strong, luminous being, responsible for myself and my relationships with others . . . A lot of the weekend activities have slid effortlessly into my routines: breathing exercises, new stretches, meditation twice daily. Mostly though, the change is in outlook: I feel re-focused on my purpose, my needs, and the path I had almost forgotten I was on." RD "91
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What was that retreat for me? "The retreat pointed out to me many ways to show love and understanding. I learned the feeling of touching. It was so heart-felt. I can’t put into words how wonderful it was. My life will never be the same. My outlook on life and love has changed. I will never be afraid any more to touch and hug. So many I know need this love... May I say that I have never found so much love from a group of men." "Last night [weeks later—Ed.] may have been one of the fruits of the retreat...My friend C. and I went for a late walk along the lake. It was beautiful and we were both sort of nervous from our new found attraction to each other. To make a long story short we had a great nude swim in the delicious water after finding a fire left just for us along the shore. We connected in the most loving place I have ever experienced with a man. Ah...it brought some deep joy to my heart. I share this with you to say that the retreat was many things for me, and it has opened me to a deep soul energy in me that I have always felt may be there but had never really experienced. I feel so much more whole these days. Going through all the awkwardness and fear around the retreat I sense helped me open even though at times I felt quite 'out of it' there." What about the retreat did you: --- enjoy the most? "I liked the circles we did and the structured massage . . . I liked the free time and the context we were in. Being by the water and having hiking nearby was great. I liked the chanting and drumming and the talking circles, and the yoga." --- like least? "There were parts that were challenging for me but I don't feel they were not worthwhile." --- find most informative/growthful? " . . . working with the fears that came up for me and having men there that I could talk to and they would share their struggles both in the past and present." What was the main thing I learned? "That men that love men come in all forms and energies. That I can be with men that are attracted to me and take care of myself, that I love men that love to explore themselves , that no wonder I have been so frustrated with the men friends that I used to hang around with, that I am just beginning to know my inner lover. Since the retreat I have felt more at ease with myself and sense more of what my energy in my body is about, like getting to know my true self better."
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